I make complete sentences.

The published goods

    My writing has been published on McSweeney's, Dow Jones' Mansion Global, Salon, Huffington Post, Hello Giggles, and Australia's Lip Magazine.
    Some of my tweets have landed on "best of" posts.
    And my text messages, oh golly, my text messages are glorious.

    Other works:
    No Running: Physical Education & The Movement, documentary. Scripting for narration and website copywriting.
    Huffington Post's Cargo Shorts Awareness Half-Week, an anthology of comedians' feelings on cargo shorts. Heavy stuff.
    Scripting for clients under: Meredith Corporation, MoPo Entertainment, and SmashPoint CreativeWorks.
    Advertising for Mercedes-Benz, smart car, Massage Envy, Nature's Bounty,